A Mindful Attitude: being present with curiosity and acceptance

by May 11, 2020

When we stop to pay attention to the activity of our own mind (thoughts, emotions, plans, memories, etc.) our inner “observer” or “conscious witness” emerges. It is when we become aware and present that we can observe the content of our mind with our worries, fears and desires from a certain distance. We switch from “auto-pilot” mode (our default brain mode) to a “being present” mode, which allows us to have a Mindful Attitude.

It is by this way of inner observing that we can become aware of the existence of helpful and pleasant currents of thought and emotions such as hope, memories of past accomplishments or healthy acceptance, that help us to achieve our objectives. But at the same time, we can notice unhelpful thoughts and emotions that can block our happiness and make it difficult to make life changes. Such is the case with sadness, intense fear, self-critical patterns of thinking, negativity and apathy. 

We tend to classify emotions as positive or negative, but I believe there is a more adequate way of thinking about them as difficult or painful emotions instead of negative because all the range of human emotions serve a function to help us adapt and mobilize. Emotions put us in motion.  Hence, all emotions give us information that we can use to our advantage in our personal development if we listen to and accept their message instead of fighting against it. I often tell my clients that fighting against our unpleasant emotions is a war against ourselves that we will always lose. 

So how can we accept what we see inside ourselves? and most importantly, what can we do to change it if we don’t like what we find inside us? 

The first step is to notice and become aware of our inner dialogue. The next step is to discern if those thoughts and emotions are helpful in this moment or, on the contrary, they impede us moving forward in the direction we want our life to go.

MINDFUL ATTITUDE

Being Mindful means paying attention and being present, and these are the pillars to cultivate this way of being in the world: 

1 · Curiosity: (instead of critical judgment): pay attention to things that happen to you with an open mind. Be curious and explore alternative options to your harsh critical mind.

2 · Patience: recognize that you need time to practice this new skill. You are learning to view the world from a different perspective, one that most of us have not learned from childhood because we have been raised to be cautious and defensive.

3 · Beginner’s mind: do not get trapped in the only reality you already know, just with the experience you have had in the past. Open up to new possibilities, have the beginner’s mind you have when you travel to new exotic places and you are open and curious. 

4 · Acceptance: this is NOT the same as resignation. It does NOT mean to give up making changes to your future and just sitting and waiting around. Think about it as accepting without resisting forcefully to the flow of life and to the things that have already happened (particularly to things that are not under our control). Usually, for most of us, when we experience something unpleasant we try hard to avoid it (not even thinking or talking about it). Other times, we fight fiercely against what we dislike creating more suffering in the form of anger and indignation.

But you must remember that “What you resist, persists” (Carl G. Jung).

Pay attention to your precious life and you will broaden your catalogue of options. Observe your tendency to react (your own autopilot) and give yourself the time you need to respond in a healthier and more adaptive way.  

Are you interested in learning more about how to incorporate a Mindful Attitude into your life? The practice of mindful attention is one of the key elements of the work I do with most of my clients.

 


 

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